Look at any paragraph or page of your story. How many pronouns are present (it, its, he, him, his, she, her, hers)? While pronouns are vital, having too many causes flat writing. Pronouns tell your story rather than show it. And advice writers and editors give other writers is to show, don’t tell. So this article provides 5 tips to reduce pronoun usage in writing. This will vastly improve your work, and keep your readers engaged.

As you think about the scenes in your story, how are you conveying them? Is it similar to a sports play-by-play (he shoots, he scores) of what’s happening?

It’s natural to take characters scene by scene and relay that to the reader by attributing actions to the character performing them. However, that writing style does not let your reader connect to your story.

Example: Daphne pulled the dagger from her garter. She slowly stalked the commander, trying to walk quietly through the dark corridor. Her heavy breaths echoed in the hall.

The commander stopped at a door near the end of the passage. He fidgeted with a set of keys to unlock it. She seized the moment and thrusted the dagger in and out of his back, over and over. He slumped a little bit and turned around to face Daphne. Again, she took the opportunity and stabbed him twice in the stomach and once in his neck. “We warned you,” she said.

Rewritten Example: Daphne pulled the dagger from her garter and slowly stalked the commander through the pitch-black corridor. Darkness offered a false sense of security. Every footstep, every breath and every heartbeat lightly echoed against the stone walls.

The commander’s footsteps suddenly went silent. Jingling keys chimed loudly through the passage followed by the sound of metal scraping against coarse metal. A knob twisted, but didn’t click. This was Daphne’s moment. She crept right behind the unsuspecting commander and thrusted the dagger in and out, over and over. Screams reverberated through the hall as feet shuffled in a full turn. Another opportune moment. Daphne plunged her dagger twice in his stomach and once in his neck. “We warned you,” she said.

Notice a difference? It’s not just the number of pronouns. The two examples have a different feel. Minimizing pronoun use is going to help you move into the showing versus telling concept of writing.

The question is how to change into the right mode. Often, we hear people say, “I know what to do, I just don’t know how to do it.” Therefore, this article will dissect the two examples to give you a better understanding of how to effectively approach pronoun elimination.

Connecting two sentences into one can help reduce pronoun usage in writing

The first two sentences of the first example can be blended into a single sentence, which eliminates the pronoun she. Look at your own writing for places where this technique is appropriate.

One thing to be wary of is applying this concept too much. This cannot be your only tactic because sentence structure is going to look identical from one sentence to the next.

Be mindful of where the spotlight is pointing and whether it matters

The examples are focused on Daphne’s interaction with the commander, stalking him and finally stabbing him. She is the point of view character in the scene (POV character); therefore, the reader can naturally attribute certain actions to her without needing actions to be filtered. And even if it’s a little ambiguous, it doesn’t necessarily matter.

Ex: Daphne pulled the dagger from her garter. She slowly stalked the commander, trying to walk quietly through the dark corridor. Her heavy breaths echoed in the hall.

Rewritten Ex: Daphne pulled the dagger from her garter and slowly stalked the commander through the pitch-black corridor. Darkness offered a false sense of security. Every footstep, every breath and every heartbeat lightly echoed against the stone walls. 

The rewritten example doesn’t attribute the heartbeats and breathing to Daphne; however, the sentence before referenced her actions. The reader is still focused more on her journey and observations through the corridor.

When applying this technique, choose your POV character and be very consistent about it. This is going to enable you to reference actions without having to say she saw or she thought.

Let environment tell the story

One difference between the first and second example is that the second makes use of the darkness and limited visibility to set the stage. Rather than openly stating that the commander stopped at a door and fidgeted with keys, something not clearly observed in the darkness by Daphne, the second example talks about the sounds of keys chiming.

Scene and environment can greatly contribute to story building. Think deeply about the setting and apply other senses to describe the situation.

Just remember not to go overboard when detailing environment. Use the other senses (sound, smell, touch, taste) only when it’s appropriate. The damp scent of the corridor might have been interesting, but not necessary for the reader. Relying on the sounds to make judgements about the scene, however, is.

Eliminate unnecessary details

It’s stated in the first example that the commander stopped near the end of the corridor. That detail is missing in the second example. There are two reasons why it was eliminated. First, the second example uses the limitations of darkness to set the stage. How far down the corridor they were could not be perceived visually. Second, the detail isn’t necessary. There is no reason established for why their position in the corridor mattered.

The first example also mentions that Daphne stabbed the commander in his back. While that isn’t stated in the second example, it can be assumed since Daphne has been behind him the whole time and we are reminded of this when she creeps up right behind him.

Always be mindful of what is important for the reader to know and what isn’t.

Pronouns are still important

Pronouns serve a purpose. It’s good to stretch your mind and be aware of a potential weakness, but don’t go crazy trying not to insert pronouns. What could happen if you become too rigid in this practice is that your writing will become more confusing.

What you want, in the end, is to keep your writing in check. Review your story and decide whether modification in the pronoun department is necessary. Use the tools above to help make that decision. But when in doubt, keep your pronoun. It will not kill you.

Putting method into practice

There are a few ways to get the hang of effectively using your pronouns. Try some of these tips before you go through and overhaul your own works:

• Use writing prompts to write and edit a few short works, 500-1000 words. Review and revise each piece. As you review your practice work, determine areas of greater weakness. Is it difficult for you to establish your POV character? Are you effectively combining sentences, but also making every sentence run too long? With enough practice and analysis, you will begin to resolve some of your more prominent issues.
• Review books, short stories and fan fiction that already exists for the same problems. If certain paragraphs jump out at you, get out paper or your laptop and try to revise the passage using the techniques from this article.

Once you start to get the hang of it, start revising small sections of your own work.

If this is an area of weakness, don’t stress as you try to improve. Your goal isn’t to become a perfect writer, it’s to write a story your readers will enjoy.

Have other tips on how to reduce unnecessary pronouns? Comment suggestions below.